Underestimated

I feel so underestimated.

I feel like because I am young (?) that I am not capable of things.

I want to do things (new things) as in things I have not done before 

[bar tending, different types of jobs, types that you can't do with out experience first] 

Can anyone explain how to get a job that they want you to have experience if you can't get hired anywhere without experience? 

Someone has to take a chance.

I am a hard worker.

I succeed and exceed when I am given the chance.

To new beginnings.

And hoping for a new job!

Call Back!

I got my call back for the bar tending job!

Interview at 3 tomorrow!!!

And bonus?!

No broken ribs.

But, still lots of pain.

Did it

So, I've done it.

I am no longer the tattoo less one in the family.

Quote Me Bitch

Missing You

Today was bittersweet.

It was the annual birthday Thai food.

But this time, I had your grandma and Ms. Kynli.

She is just like you.

Her mannerisms.

How she processes things.

Down to how her ears stick out.

Oh goodness.

We played through the afternoon, and we had fun.

You know that though.

I miss you all the time Kay.

But knowing Kynli is around, a little you, makes it that much easier.

Did it

So, I've done it.

I am no longer the tattoo less one in the family.

Quote Me Bitch

Call Back!

I got my call back for the bar tending job!

Interview at 3 tomorrow!!!

And bonus?!

No broken ribs.

But, still lots of pain.

Completed

I have completed my stint as a long term sub.
It was just over three months in a classroom teaching 4 sections of U.S. history to 11th graders and 1 section of teaching World History to 10th graders.
Well, it was a bumpy ride, I didn't know what I was in for, but I feel better for it.
Especially with the praise I have received about how tough what I was doing actually was.
Some aspects I'll miss, and I have a handful of papers to grade but then I'm done.
Had some ice cream to celebrate :)

Communication is key

As adults one could assume, there I go using a word that I know what the breakdown is, that colleagues would be able to effectively communicate.
We teach out students that they will need to know and have this skill when they get out into the workforce, yet we cannot and do not practice it ourselves.
Being the youngest in my building is not beneficial in this area because I am coming into a group of people that have been working together for numerous years.
I am the odd man out.
While this does not bother me, I am aware that there are cliques within professions, but when it comes down to it how petty are we?
Obviously, very.

Subbing

Students using phones in class.
This is posted.
It was in my class.
The one I was teaching.
He was in, my class, ugh.
Am I failing?

Moving on

Sometimes it will feel weird when you realize you spent so much time with someone you are no longer connected to, but that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. We all are.

Choices

Looking at my life... I feel the path I took, the one that got me to where I am today, has run its course.
I knew/know I have not been happy for awhile. But I feel I'm ready to continue on.
Obviously, I cannot say, "Hey, welcome back. Lets be done."
It will take more "tack" than that.
But, I feel a sit down in my future.
The downside to this is that I have made some poor choices that will effect this conversation.
Why does $ have to be an issue?
I understand it is what propels our society, but I hate that it has dominated my life for at least two years.
I am ready to be done.
Nine years is four too long.
Compliancy is masking unhappiness.
I cannot settle.
I only wish there was someone to bounce these ideas off of that would not judge past decisions and has no feelings either way.
I guess I will see.

Sadness

You know the days you just feel sad? And you can't seem to articulate why?
Today, luckily, is not one if those days for me. But regardless of that, there are the lingering days that I have sadness wash over me and I don't want to talk about it.
The "one who got away," the "lost best friend." Despite the reason we all just feel sad.

People in our lives

So, we have people in our lives. Some good. Some bad.
But regardless they are in our lives for some reason.
Recently I have thought that the people in my life were pretty good....
Well, I am now realizing I am being taken advantage of.
I try to be nice, I try to help out to the best of my ability.... But I feel like I am being used more and more.
And I know I can't say anything.... No room to speak, as the saying goes.... But...
Frack

Building Sub

Well, this is way overdue. I am now the building sub at the school I interned at! Super exciting, 1) Because I actually have a paying job, 2) Because I know all the kids from last year.
So here is the aggravating part. Seventh graders. Well, not so much seventh graders, as much as the fact that I am thrust into any room and just supposed "to know." So, this whole week, and some of last, I have been teaching Math class. Anyone who knows me... or ANYTHING about me, I do not do math. Well, I have been the sub in a 7th grade math and Integrated Algebra class. OH GOD. I couldn't do fractions in school, and now I am supposed to teach fractions to seventh graders? On top of teaching graphing two lines in slop-intercept form to find a solution?! HELP! I made it through. And I have two more days next week. Let's just hope that the days go quickly.. these seventh graders are trying my patience.

Spring Break

Well now that Spring break is over, I have successfully managed to do nothing.
Super.
No grading. No entering of the grades. No working on my portfolio. Dangit all.
Which just stresses me out a little bit. Considering there is not a lot of "free time" until my entire student teaching section is over.
So now I am stressing some.
Doesn't help that my car's camshaft broke and now I have to drive my gas eating explorer. Yay! Not. Also, quitting my job.... Makes it so all these bills enjoy their pile-up.
It should get better right?

Quit

I can see why so many people drop out of the secondary education program in the second semester. It doesn't help matters when you have a class of hellions who talk constantly. Twenty-nine is a lot of 8th graders talking.
To make matters worse, I had one "complain" about my teaching to their parent. Result? I get reprimanded in a sense. Talk about bad morning. All because a parent is an influential person on the base. Super frustrating, I just don't know that I am made to teach 8th graders. Maybe it is the fact my class is always at the same time, directly after lunch. It never rotates, as the other classes do.

Heading North

Well, I got my placement for Rural Practicum.
Wainwright, Alaska.
I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have to go with a girl from class who doesn't really talk a lot and I like her mentor more than her.
Maybe I will e-mail him first for information.
Thank goodness it is the week after Spring Break though, give me some time off!
I was concerned for awhile there.
Well here is an image for you of where it is.

Finished Both sets.

I finally finished both sets of lessons plans. Unfortunately it was today that I finished this weeks lesson plans for the U.S. History section of my student teaching. It was stressful to say the least. But I felt the weight lift as I type the last few letters. Then the new stress came down. Class tonight. Oh wait! You need a text book, and there is an assignment. JESUS! I have enough with all of my kids. I do not need your crap too. Just saying.

Planned a week..

Alright. I planned a week.
Of history.
Geeeeeze.
First, I had to type all of the standards out of the handbook, so I could have them listed in my lesson plans.
Ugh.
Then, I had to go through my binder of activities to pick out things to do for the week.
I hate that I only get 55 minute classes, except on Wednesday's where I get 40. Because they do not believe in block scheduling.
But that's a different story.
So I will make my copies in the morning.
My only real saving grace is that I can "wing" my English classes. We are reading "Into Thin Air" and I can maneuver in that class very easily. And the lesson plans easily come together.
I am just nervous about the History lesson plans....

A little freaked out

I am freaking out a little bit right now.
I am supposed to have my lesson plans DONE for BOTH of the subjects I teach which is FIVE classes right now.
Well, I don't.
I just got an e-mail from one of my mentor teachers informing me that I need to have them sent to her as well as the assistant principal's secretary on Sunday's...
They still are not done...
I still do not know that I will not have them done....
And I didn't do them last night....
I feel like I am failing.
I do not like this feeling. I also do not like the input I was given. I feel like I do not know anything about the middle school side of teaching. Because I do not get the same feedback on the High School side.

UGH.